What will I talk about in therapy? 3 Reflections to consider
If you, or someone you know has wondered what going to therapy might be like, I want to share the framework that I keep in mind when working with individuals or couples. There are three things I want to help you reflect on and get to know about you so we can make meaningful progress in therapy.
Who you were
Who you are
Who you want to be
First, I’m curious about who you were. I’m curious what your experience was like in the world growing up. What was your relationship with your family members like? Where did you go to for support and comfort? What happened if you expressed emotions (both positive and negative emotions)? What did you learn about relationships from the people in your life? What was your role in your family? What was your experience like in school? What was your relationship with friends like? Did you have any significant life changes happen (both positive or negative ones) that shaped how you view the world? What culture were you raised in? Did you experience any loss or trauma while growing up? How do you remember yourself coping with the good and the hard parts of life?
Second, who are you now? Taking what you know about your past experiences, how have those shaped you into who you are today? What are your strengths? What hurts you? What coping strategies or maladaptive behaviors have developed based on previous/current circumstances? How do you feel about yourself in your relationships (romantic, friendships, family, work?) How do you engage if you’re in conflict with someone? How do you express yourself emotionally? What is working well for you in life? What is not working well for you? What triggers you? What is grounding to you? Where do you find meaning or purpose in your life?
Third, who do you want to be? Part of the therapy process is zooming out and looking forward. If we’ve worked together, you’ve probably heard me ask the question: “If you woke up tomorrow and everything was better, what would be different?” Exploring who you want to be creates a guide for how you might get there. What are your values? If you can identify your values, then you can determine how you’d like your life to reflect those values and make value informed decisions. How do you wish to show up in your relationships? How would you engage with conflict? How would you express your emotions? What would your relationship with work/career be like? How would you like to spend your time? How would you hope to feel about yourself?
Exploring these three parts of your life: who you were, who you are, and who you want to be, can be a helpful framework as you come to therapy. You can reflect on many of these questions on your own, and we can dive deeper into them through the therapy process. We are all capable of change - as hard as it might be, and exploring iterations of these questions, can be the start of your journey.
