Take a Break

When I was in 3rd grade I got glasses. The funny thing about getting glasses (particularly at a young age), is that you aren’t always aware of what you can’t see until you put your prescription glasses on for the first time.

I wasn’t aware that there were individual leaves on trees until I put my glasses on and the details of nature became apparent and lovely. My whole perspective changed once I could see properly.

When we move through life in a busy, fast paced fashion, we don’t always allow ourselves the opportunity to pause and shift perspectives.

One way to shift your perspective is to take breaks.

Taking breaks can feel counter productive when you’ve got things to do, places to be, and to-do lists to check off. However, learning to take breaks can lead to a better relationship with yourself and others.

When I was in graduate school, I was working a full time day job, taking classes full time in the evenings, balancing working on homework and assignments, dating my now husband and trying to maintain relationships with friends and family. I was busy and overwhelmed. One evening before a final research paper was due, I called my mom in hysterics. Sobbing on the phone, I told her that I wrote my paper on the wrong topic and needed to re-write (and re-research) the entire paper.

The advice my mom gave me?

“I think you need to go to bed and get some sleep.”

Sleep sounded like an outrageous proposition that would not solve my problem and made me even more hysterical. How was I to allow myself the privilege to sleep when I had to wake up, work a full day, and rewrite an entire research paper before it was due at 5pm? 

Thankfully I took her advice and surrendered to the fact that I’d be failing the final. I went to bed and got a much needed full night of sleep.

Want to know what happened?

I woke up well rested with a much clearer mind.

I re-read the assignment, and realized my paper did in fact meet the criteria for the final. I would not be needing to rewrite the paper, and I was not going to fail despite my theatrics the night before.

Sleeping was like putting on my glasses for the first time, I could see things much more clearly. Perhaps the night before, someone could have reassured me that everything would be ok, but when I was in such a heightened state of overwhelm, I doubt there was anything anyone could have said that would have made me believe anything other than my own doom.

Oftentimes I think back on this moment and the wisdom I gleaned from the experience. 

We have to take breaks even if it feels like the most illogical thing to do. 

You’re fighting with your partner? Things are escalating. You’re about to say something that cuts deep. You need resolution?

Take a break. 

Your child is whining, their temper is rising, you feel your heart beating faster and patience dwindling?

Take a break. 

You’re staring at your computer with a looming to-do list and in a state of paralysis - nothing is getting done.

Take a break. 

Taking a break can feel like an interference when you are trying to achieve something (ie: winning the argument with your partner, accomplishing a task, handling a toddler meltdown). But charging full speed ahead while being highly upset, overwhelmed or dysregulated, inevitably makes things much more difficult for yourself, and can cause a lot more damage that will need repair within your relationships.

So, how do you take a break? 

When considering, how to take a break, think through the simple things you do that bring you into a state of calm, or help you feel more grounded.

Here’s an non comprehensive list of ideas for what to do when taking a break:

• Get outside. Feel the sun on your face. 

• Move your body (walk, bike, dance, stretch).

• Listen to music, hum along. 

• Do a guided meditation, breathe.

• Sit quietly and allow yourself to feel what you need to feel.

• Write, draw, paint, create. 

• Find ways to engage your 5 senses.

PS: I have bad news for you… a break is not mindless scrolling on social media, reading the news, or consuming more information. Think about what actually breathes life back into your body, not what numbs you out.

Breaks don’t mean abandoning what’s important to you (your relationship, your to-do list, your job, etc). Breaks allow you the opportunity to reset and get grounded. Breaks allow you to show up with your glasses on, a clearer mind, and more regulated nervous system, so that you can show up better for yourself and your relationships.

How long am I supposed to take a break for?

The length of the break may vary.

You may need 30 seconds to breathe.

You may need 5 minutes to look at something farther away than your screen.

You may need 20 minutes to meditate.

You may need an hour to walk outside or move your body. 

You may need a full 8 hours of sleep.

You may need a change of scenery and a weekend away.

Tune into your body and figure out what is realistic and what strategies can help you in the time that you have available for you to take a break. If you’re needing a break during the middle of a fight with your partner, tell them, and then tell them how long you expect to take a break. Confused by this? Let’s talk about it in therapy.

Schedule breaks into your day. You don’t have to wait until you’ve peaked in overwhelm to have permission to take a break. In fact, short and regularly scheduled breaks may help prevent you from getting to overwhelm, and keep you more regularly in a state of calm and clarity.

Questions to consider:

Is it easy or hard for you to take a break? In what scenarios is it hard?

What beliefs do you have about taking breaks that make it difficult to take them? 

What helps you feel grounded and calmer?

How can you communicate your need to take a break if another person is involved or relying on you? 

A break offers you the opportunity to take your glasses off and put them back on again to see the world/situation with fresh perspective.

You’ve got this!